Funny Sh*t My Kid Says

Life has been moving so fast that I can barely remember the basics of self care. Coupled with the fact that I’ve disappeared into the ether of exhaustion with no sign of relief, I fear I won’t remember a thing about the past three years.

EVERYONE says “It goes so fast” or “The days are long, but the years are short.” Sure, I agree with that when looking back, but when you’re in the trenches of motherhood with a 1 and 3 year old, it is all consuming.

Cash is already exhibiting some pretty clear signs that he will have a great sense of humor. We get a good laugh from his commentary several times a week. In an effort to make sure that none of this comedic gold goes forgotten, I am going to transcribe some of the best bits here, for your reading pleasure.

Sometimes his just mispronounces stuff that he sees out in the street like:

“Look mommy it’s a black hoe” instead of a backhoe construction truck.

Or he says stuff that’s very offensive, but he (of course) has no idea that it’s not politically correct (or downright racist):

“Hey Mom, I want to go out there and see those colored guys” referring to the Mexican guys landscaping the backyard who were all wearing different colored shirts. “The red guy is using a shovel like mine.”

Recently, he’s been starting to talk like an adult and even learn to negotiate. A few nights ago he tried prolonging bedtime (yet again) by looking me square in the eyes, locking and kissing our pinky fingers and saying “Just one more video, capiche?!”

Or he’ll just randomly blurt out “Excellent” or ask his teachers, “So, ah, what did you do last night?”

The best is when his teachers tell me about stuff he says like “Hey blue teacher, do you live uptown or downtown?” (He can’t remember their names sometimes so he addresses them based on their shirt color.

He talks to everyone we pass on the street and either addresses them directly, i.e. “Hey mail lady!” “Hi fireman” or just shouts “Hey guys! hey, where you going?” Once he shouted at a guy walking his dog and asked “Hey, hey, is that your dog? Is his name sparky? No? Oh ok, bye!”

Cash loves big kids and always wants to hang with them. He met a little girl at a Fourth of July party and was following her around nonstop. When she finally ditched him, he came running up to ask “Where is Pink Lemonade?” We all looked perplexed. “Who is Pink Lemonade,” we asked. “It’s that new girl, that’s the name I gave her. I love her,” he proclaimed.

I’ll continuing updating this – these are just the best quotes of late.

The comedic relief from Cash is sometimes the only relief I get from the exhaustion of keeping up with him and Ruby. And writing, my only other way to revive my oft forgetful mind.

Cash-man. The master comedian.

Cash-man. The master comedian.